My Diagnosis


December 2, 2015. The day I took the front seat of this roller coaster ride. Without time to put on my seat belt.

2 days before I get to marry my best friend and love of my life. The most amazing man you could ever dream up asked me to be his wife, and in 2 short days I get to be his Wife!!! I’m in the shower like any other morning, except I subconsciously think that I should ask my OBGYN to look at my left breast. Why today or all days? Why now? I don’t have an answer for that question. The nipple seemed to be a little inverted and although I’ve never had magnificent boobs, it just looked a little different. So, I talk to her, and we decide if I feel like it’s different I would just go over on my lunch for a breast ultrasound to put my mind at ease. As I drive to the imaging center, I call both my husband and my person borderline hysterical as my mind is wandering of course to the worst possible thoughts. It was almost like I had that deep, overwhelming gut feeling that I knew something was wrong.  I go back and change into scrubs then lay on the freezing table. The ultrasonographer squeezes an obnoxious amount of freezing gel onto my breast and we start. I’m trying the best I can to figure out what exactly I’m looking at on the screen. Which I have no idea what I’m looking at. But I’m wondering why with all of the amazing things that have come about have we not developed some sort of ultrasound that shows a movie on the screen like The Magic School Bus,which also comes with Ms. Frizzle explaining everything we are seeing. Unfortunately, that is not the case, quiet the opposite, you try your best to see something, which you fail at miserably, then you try to read your sonographer face, which she has somehow trained herself to have absolutely no facial expression at all, then you end up giving up any attempt at figuring out what is going on, and you just fall into your own wondering thoughts. She then has me sit up and hands me 1 tiny off brand tissue to clean up a gallon of lube while she goes and speaks with the radiologist. She walks back in and tells me that the doctor cannot determine what he is seeing  with the ultrasound images, so I would need a mammogram that they will be fitting me in for. Tears start pouring down my face, I start shaking, and I begin to panic. I somehow manage to call my fiancé and hysterically tell him what is going on. He starts to pack up his stuff to get to me as quick as possible. As I wait for him, they begin my mammogram. The woman who did my mammogram was so sweet, kind, and gentle. I’m standing there but my mind is long gone, down a long dark road to worst case senario. All the while, as I stand there with my breast in between 2 pieces of hard plastic, giant fearful crocodile tears drip down my chest, and onto the mammogram machine. I sit, and wait for the radiologist to come in and tell me this is all not real just a bad dream. In walks the radiologist finally, and he asks me if I had any family in the waiting room he could grab? Grab my family? Oh great, I’m about to get terrible news. I let him know my fiancé is on his way, but I cannot possibly wait one more minute. He then tells me that there is a black mass beneath my nipple that seems to be pulling it in, that my left breast is very different from my right, that I would need a breast biopsy to know what it is, and that since I am so young he’s 99% positive its some sort of infection. Ty gets there and I am a complete mess trying to schedule my biopsy. We get it scheduled, and then I have to pick myself up, put myself together and get to our little boys school to pick him up for his Holiday Show! We sit together and watch his show, and tears drip down my face as I think to myself how much I really don’t want to miss anything like this. Fast forward a few days, and its WEDDING DAY!! We decided we wanted our wedding day to be small, intimate, romantic, stress free, and especially drama free! So, the two of us dressed up, and drove down to the City and County Building with our parents and got Married!!! Officially married to my best friend, man of my dreams!!! Then, a weekend getaway with our close friends. Did the best I could to put all of this in the back of my mind, and have a great time. We come back in town, and put me on my husbands health insurance, and we have to start this through them, which to my surprise moved VERY quick! Fast forward to Monday December 14th, breast biopsy day. I drug myself with Valium, in hopes that it would take some of the nerves and fear away and we go. I lay on the table while the doctor washes and sanitizes my breast and surrounding area and tells me what to expect. Ok deep breath, here we go. Needle with Lidocaine directly into my breast right next to my nipple. Holy cow! Does that hurt! Now that I’m “numb” she makes a small incision and puts the vacuum biopsy needle into my breast. After 4 biopsy samples I almost jump off the table because I’m starting to feel it. Pause for more lidocaine, then 3 more samples, and placement of a marker clip. Close me up then send me to get a mammogram. Yes, mammogram, squeezing, and squishing my breast after it was just abused! Now, 2 looooooooonnnngggggg days of waiting. December 16th, 2015. I’m sitting at work, and decide to call and just check to see if my results are in. Hands sweaty, heart beating out of my chest, tears coming down my face, I’m told “your pathology came back. You have Breast Cancer. Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.” I fall to my knees and sob. The next few days are a whirl wind of phone calls, coordination of appointments, MRI, meltdowns, and planning. Appointment 1- general surgeon. My husband and person come with me to this appointment as its when everything will be brought together and explained.We went over my pathology, all of my images, and discussed my plan. Lymph node biopsy, genetic testing, Chemo, double mastectomy, reconstruction, radiation, possible Oopherectomy. We all three kind of fell apart. Fast forward a little, lymph biopsy showed lymph activity, PET scan (which was CLEAR! WooHoo!), port placement, then wait for Day 1 of fighting this. Fighting this Cancer so I can continue to be a momma to two amazing little boys, to be a wife and best friend to my husband, a daughter to my parents, sibling to my sisters and brothers, best friend to my person, friend to the many friends I’m blessed with, employee to my phenomenal physicians, so on and so forth. Ready to hurry up and FIGHT!