Started struggling emotionally Sunday in anticipation for going in for round 5 today. I’ve said it before, and it never gets easier. My counts come up, my side effects subside for the most part, I start to feel good, and its time to willingly sit in the infusion chair and submit my body to hell. I cannot begin to describe the fear I feel leading up to the first drop of chemo going into my port. I want to continue feeling good, have energy, function somewhat normally,and get up and ready for work with less pain. As scary as it is though, I walk in today, no wig, smile on my face, hand in my husbands ready for another round of chemo to fight this cancer! We walk in and head straight to the scale to get my weight for my chemo dosing, not fun. We all see the movies where every “cancer patient” is skin and bones, I have sad news, NOT the case especially with Breast Cancer Patients! Then it’s into the infusion center and to my favorite spot by the window. I sit down and get comfortable, then the pain begins. My nurses always have a hard time accessing my port because its tilted and I’m “busty”. I breath through the pain of pushing, pulling, moving, and poking my port until we’re in and good to go. Labs are drawn and we wait. Our M.A. grabs us for our pre chemo appointment with my Oncologist. He walks in and greets me with ” well hello ‘weirdo’. I get this comment because I have truly had the weirdest side effects that seem to stump everyone. Among those this round, I have burns, rashes, bloody stools, and intense stomach pain. We’re not sure at this point what the rashes/burns are from exactly. Leaning towards my body having some sort of an allergic reaction to the Carboplatin. For now, our plan is for pre scheduled IV Fluid appointments on Day 4, and Day 7 for 2 reasons. 1, to try to prevent me ‘hitting a wall’ like I have the last 2 rounds, and 2, watch and diagnose the rashes/burns. This gives both myself and my husband relief. Round #5 down, now we sit and wait, and FIGHT!