In the days leading up to this round of chemo, I had quiet a lot of fear and almost anxiety around going in on Tuesday. I know we are fighting this, and getting through each step we need to have a long healthy life, but it was really hard to wake up and know what I was about to put into my body and the hell I’m going to feel for the next few weeks after. it was also hard starting to feel somewhat normal and know that it was going to end that morning. But, I Made it through round 2 Tuesday, despite my dog Maya jumping on my port with both paws as hard as she can trying to play, and leaving me on my bed in tears of pain and fear of how much more painful it was going to be to access my port that day. All the while, she sat there tail wagging wondering why I was crying and not playing. My person made her trek to me despite the blizzard and we made it in with smiles on our faces! For those of you who don’t have the blessing of having a person, you should find her. You should find the person our there that will love you not matter what comes your way, in thick and thin, that you don’t even have to say anything, just give a look and she knows what you are thinking or feeling, the person you can count on for anything, even just a simple laugh, and the friendship that doesn’t cause havoc on your heart. It’s easy and natural and real. True friendships exist my friends! You know, I thought I would have cancer and go through chemo and lose weight. Wrong. I dread getting my vitals taken when I check in. I’ve been told what a misconception it is to think you will lose weight through this process, especially women with breast cancer. All of the treatment I am on is hormonal which we all know that means weight gain, plus all of the steroids which makes you “puffy”. Oh how wonderful this whole process is! But hey, I may never be a size 2, but I’ll embrace whatever body I have to happily live the rest of my life in with my incredible husband and 2 wonderful boys, because they don’t see my size or weight, they tell me without ever missing, how beautiful I am each and everyday! Within no time after accessing my port and starting my chemo, the “high” I was on from starting to feel somewhat “good” is quickly taken away. Headache sets in first, then puffy eyes from steroids, nausea, and fatigue. So far this round, I have 4 new meds to help with the side effects, and I also starting doing baking soda rinses twice a day, and the prescription mouth washes twice a day starting the morning of chemo hoping the mouth sores will be less. We’re doing everything we can to manage what we can, the rest, we just push through knowing each and every minute is worth it and everyday counts. Next step, is meeting with Rad Onc next Monday to find out our radiation plan which will define my reconstruction process. No matter what we are told, we know we will get through each step, one at a time. I also received my genetic testing results, and the entire 17 test panel was negative! This is great news! That means I do not have to worry about passing this to my children, or their children, or worry about my sisters and nieces. Great news! But I was also somewhat disappointed. I know, weird, why would I be un happy with great results? Well, it just felt like I had no answer as to why this is happening to me. here’s the thing thought, did you know that only 10% of breast cancer is genetic? That means well it’s some sort of random thing that happened to you, or environmental, or just plain bad luck I guess. But even if this was some sort of crazy “bad luck” it changing our lies for the better, We are growing individually and together more than most people do their entire lives! So, not I didn’t get breast cancer from sheer bad luck, I got breast cancer because it’s God’s plan for me, my husband, my children, family, and all of you who are also effected by all of this. To shape us, and put us on the road to the path we were meant to walk, and be the truest people we were meant to be. On to a new day! PS- it’s only 21 days until my birthday, and we were suppose to be in Mexico on vacation, but, we’re just putting that on hold while we fight this fight, but Mexico for my Dirty 30 WILL be happening!!! ❤